Jessie J is taking a stand towards unsolicited feedback about her physique.
“Stop commenting on people’s weight, anyone, just stop,” she posted on her Instagram tales. “Or telling somebody they give the impression of being pregnant for certain, otherwise you look skinny.
“I see it a lot on socials and I do know it occurs in actual life.
“I have gained 10 pounds in the past six months and I feel great… It might stay or it might not, or I might gain more – who cares?! I don’t care, as long as I feel good and am healthy.”
She goes on to explain how somebody even requested her if she was pregnant – regardless of apparently understanding the singer suffered a miscarriage in 2021.
“Not cool to just say or comment on anyone’s body. Unless they/I tell you or ask for your opinion, it’s not one that’s needed or helpful.”
RTT therapist Kate Hoyle (katehoylehypnotherapy.com) calls it “bizarre” that folks touch upon another person’s look and weight. “I believe that is such a damning incitement of the place we’ve received to with the net world, and the truth that folks really feel empowered to write down issues they’d by no means say to somebody’s face.
“It’s almost like lashing out at an emotional level. So, ‘I don’t feel very good about myself, but if I say nasty things about other people, it somehow elevates me a little bit, makes me feel a little bit better about myself, makes me feel like I have a little bit of power’ – but it’s toxic power.”
Even if they look like small, off-the-cuff feedback – both on-line or in individual – they will have a snowball impact.
“What happens is, you start to take those [comments] on,” Hoyle explains. “So the more you hear these words and these opinions – unless you have really worked on your self-esteem and have solid self-esteem – you start to believe them. And that’s when it becomes really damaging.”
And this, in flip, can drastically impression somebody’s psychological well being. Hoyle suggests it might result in “anxiety, low mood, eating disorders”. Social media provides gasoline to the fireplace by creating this “tailored, perfect, manicured version of life, and that’s what we see all the time,” she says.
“So we have this very warped ideal of what we should look like and how we should be. It’s affecting boys more now, but these poor girls – they’re just never good enough, and nothing’s ever good enough… And it becomes really damaging on mental health.”
She feels for somebody like Jessie J being within the public eye, as a result of “she’s constantly consumed by this stuff, constantly under observation”.
Hoyle says: “Everyone feels like they can say something, have a view, have an opinion.” And Jessie is a stark reminder you don’t know what another person goes by means of – it’s “absolutely nobody’s business, and nobody should be making any comment about pregnancy,” she provides.
So how can we get away of this damaging cycle? Hoyle suggests it’s empowering to grasp that “everybody is going to have an opinion, and everyone is going to make a judgement of value”.
She says: “The second they see you, hear you, learn something about you – they’ve immediately made a judgement. And if that’s going to occur, do your factor anyway… Everyone’s entitled to their opinion, your selection is whether or not to let that in or not.
“That’s where self-esteem comes in… If you haven’t got that solid self-esteem, it becomes harder to treat them as just opinions, and that’s all they are.”